252: She’s not going to like me.
Aug25
on August 25, 2016
Sin Pararse
Como mi amor por ti…
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I see a hammer, a stake, a cloth, some buttons, a scwoo dwivah, a…roll of bread? Some tape(?) and a…no idea. Firecracker? Caulk gun? Sacrificial Wrapped Sausage? All in a drawer conveniently labeled "slide."
Also, I want Gabry to start yelling AVADA KEDAVRA when he holds the stake like that.
Well, yes! First, throw the buttons at the vampire to distract him. Then you push the bread into his mouth so he can't bite. Form a cross from the screwdrivers to paralize him! This will stop him long enough for you to detonate the sacrifical wrapped caulk firecracker sausage! Now, use that moment! Tie him up with tape and blindfold him with the cloth! He's now ready to be staked!
And of course it's labelled "slide". If it was labelled "vampire hunting utensils", the vampires would know.
…
I have no words.
BESIDES THESE!
Fool! Vampires are only distracted by RICE! Pushing bread into his mouth would only make hin stronger through the power of INSTANT WHEAT ABSORPTION! A cross could not be formed with only a single screwdriver, which was probably purchased from somewhere non-churchy enough anyways! The firecracker could work, but ONLY IF GRILLED DAY AND NIGHT FOR 46 HOURS BEFOREHAND, which the wrapping shows IT HAS NOT. The cloth, sitting in a pile of MANLY UTENSILS, which everyone knows EMIT MANLY SWEAT, would be damp and refreshing for a vampire! And one does not stake a refreshed, wheat-fueled vampire easily with a wand of Redwood!
…I love the internet.
…True. Somebody should tell Gabry about that.
Why? That's all there for decoration anyway, he only needs his shining fabulousness to kill creatures of darkness.
…Kytri, should we keep going? I feel exhausted already.
I have no idea what y’all are even on about.